Sunday, September 18, 2011

Tire Swing

aFor me this started long ago at a bus stop on a sweaty September morning headed to 1st grade. I was not a chubby little girl - but to say I was solid is no understatement. I don't remember what the boy who said it looked like, or really even the sound of his voice - only the sing-songy words repeating over and over in my head, "Hairy Kari the big fat fairy!"  His words hurt more than any sticks or stones he could have hurled at me... and for many years they were the nagging soundtrack to my hurt and confused little world. Until the day I found out God's nickname for me... Beloved. 
E came home from her second day of 1st grade and flatly told her daddy and I that there were some kids at school who said she couldn't play on the tire swing at playground. They told her she was too big and that she could be the "pusher" (all drug references aside.) They had very plainly pointed out to her that she was the biggest girl and that they wouldn't push her, so that meant she had to push them if they were to remain friends.  She was so matter of fact about this story... I just kept waiting for her to cry - or break down into a pile of mooshy goo. She told me that she really wanted to ride the tire swing and that she wished she had a "BFF" (that's Best Friend Forever for those of you who are unfamiliar with 1st grade venacular.) It was then, that I noticed that I was crying. I asked E if I could pray with her and she said yes.  As I held that sweet sweaty girl on the side of my bed I asked God to be her BFF... to help her as she finds her way in this often hurtful and confusing world. And then I asked God to remind her over and over with words that play in her head like a song, "You are my Beloved E! I love you just the way I created you... Keep your head up and remember who you are and Whose you are!"

So that Sunday after church, we went to the school playground - and her daddy and I pushed her on that tire swing while she laughed and sang and God whispered, "You are my Beloved!" over and over... like a healing song for us both!

More of You God and less of me... 


  1. Oh Kari-what a wonderful post! I think that is one of the hardest parts of being a MOM--reliving the painful parts of our childhood thru our child. Hugs to you and E!

  2. Wow, Kari, this made me cry because some days we all feel like E for a variety of reasons and we need to reminds ourselves that we are God's beloved! Thank you!