"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?
But I will trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me."
You know God's really trying to get your attention on something when a scripture keeps popping up - in multiple unrelated places... like so many dandelions in spring.
Four times this week, Psalm 13 has come to me, once through a bible study, the next time I caught myself singing one of the phrases (actually referencing Psalm 40 - but with that same question, "How long?") Another time, I was leafing through an old notebook and found a reference to Psalm 13 in the margin; thinking, "This address sounds vaguely familiar!?!?" I looked it up and found myself face to face with the question again, "How long?
Then this morning, I opened up my email account and found that a devotional I subscribe to was using Psalm 13 as the basis for today's meditation. Now I'm beginning to think He's trying to tell me something. (I know "Duh!" right?)
That's when I saw it on the page of my bible. In green pen I had written some time ago,
"Be honest... then TRUST!"
How often do I try to shield God from my true thoughts and feelings - like He needs me to edit my real emotions so as not to offend Him. Yet here in the pages of my bible I have evidence, that King David (a man after God's own heart... something I want to be after) was honestly exasperated. David cries out to God with a straightforward annoyance, "How long?" He was being honest... truthful, sincere, candid... frank. Whatever you want to call it.And yet I sit before the Lord with an eraser - furiously writing, erasing... re-thinking... rubbing my pink gum eraser plum through my mind - much like a first grader and math homework. When clearly, God wants me to be honest with Him. He'd rather I spell it out as clearly, plainly and with as much emotion as this drama-momma has within her. It's like God's inviting me through David's example, "Just get it out, baby-girl! Get it off of you... and then trust that I'm listening, that I'm working all things together for your good."
Beth Moore said on Tuesday at 1st Baptist in our The Law of Love - Lessons from the Pages of Deuteronomy, "It's impossible for God to get tired of us!" I'm holding on to that promise today... with all that is in me! Believing that He wants my direct questions... and then my TRUST!
What about you sweet friend? Are you crying "How long?" Know that He hears you and is not surprised by your frankness... Let it go... Get it out. And then TRUST!
Oh, that in the end we may have more of you Lord, and less of ourselves!
